How to *Actually* Take a Perfect Selfie

It took me about an hour to figure out what I was going to write about today. I sat down and started rattling off “how to” ideas to my bestie, Avery. I started with How to Procrastinate. I’m pretty good at it, but it’s just a natural talent. You have it or you don’t. It can’t be taught (mostly because those that are good at it are too lazy to teach it). Then I thought How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days? How to Get a Job? How to Write a How To? I clearly don’t know how to do any of those things, so I took to Google.

There I found How to Take Good Selfies, a timeless guide, really. I decided to read this Wiki article, follow the instructions, and then write my own following that experience.

 

Here’s what happened:

So, according to WikiHow, step one is strike a pose. “Holding the camera slightly higher than your head so that it’s pointing down on you will make your eyes look bigger and help you avoid ‘pig nose.'”

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My eyes do look bigger, but holding the camera that high was a bit tiresome on my arm. Also, I feel like the viewer is looking down at me which is slightly weird.

Next, WikiHow suggests I focus on one feature. “This works especially well if there is one feature that you are especially pleased with.” Well, I especially hate my nose. My eyebrows are currently competing with Frida Kahlo’s for “boldest, bushiest, and least attended to.” A selfie of my forehead or my ear would just be strange, so I guess I’ll go with my mouth.
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I call this the “I  just woke up. I am confused and hungry. Why am I taking selfies this early in the morning?” mouth. 

Have an interesting expression. What is an interesting expression? WikiHow suggests smiling, keeping a cool calm expression, or catching emotion as you feel it. “Try taking a selfie while you’re watching a movie that’s making you genuinely laugh, or right after you find out some shocking news.” Right, okay.

image3“I made a WHAT on that test?!”

Take a full length photo. I took a full length photo, then I took another according to their instructions which are quite specific. “You can appear more slender by slightly cocking your hip to the same side you are holding your camera in. Your opposite shoulder should come forward a bit, and your free arm should either dangle to your side or your free hand can rest on your hip. The chest should lean forward naturally, and the legs should be crossed at the ankle.”

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This was uncomfortable physically and a bit difficult to be honest. Picture #2 there gives you a taste of the struggle. ‘Twas real.

WikiHow suggests I also try a natural look. “If you have muscles, stretch out the arm you want to show off; the muscles look best like that.” I don’t know what is natural about stretching out my arm, but I’ll try it.

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I’m actually really happy I had an excuse to take a bicep pic. I’ve been going real hard in the gym lately. Glad I got to show off the guns.

In conclusion, WikiHow’s tips got me nowhere. I look kinda dumb in every picture. So, here are my two tips to actually taking a great selfie:

1. Lighting is key.

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 Dark spaces create unwanted shadows and don’t help highlight your beautiful features.

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See what some good lighting can do for your face?

2. Never take your{selfie} too seriously!

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Remember that you are taking a picture of your face with a camera phone, not creating the next Mona Lisa.

Be yourself and have fun!

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